1
00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:06,506
<i>Previously on</i> Blunt Talk...

2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,945
I like you very much.

3
00:00:08,946 --> 00:00:11,435
- Let her go, Officer.
- Put your hands on the car.

4
00:00:11,437 --> 00:00:13,082
- Hey!
- [grunts]

5
00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:15,952
Mr. Blunt, have you spoken
to any of your wives?

6
00:00:15,953 --> 00:00:19,569
I have not spoken to any of my ex-wives.

7
00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:20,988
This is the benefit of divorce.

8
00:00:20,990 --> 00:00:23,274
You are facing felony charges.

9
00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:25,244
Your ratings have been shit for months.

10
00:00:25,245 --> 00:00:26,362
All that's left is your accent.

11
00:00:26,363 --> 00:00:28,280
They need me to see a shrink.

12
00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:30,249
You always bring your own couch, Doctor?

13
00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:32,368
Yes, I'm a Freudian.

14
00:00:32,369 --> 00:00:34,837
The gods have given me a second chance.

15
00:00:34,838 --> 00:00:36,756
I mean to make the most of it.

16
00:00:36,757 --> 00:00:37,903
<i></i>

17
00:00:38,591 --> 00:00:41,630
Blunt Talk - S01E03
All My Relationships End in Pain

18
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,786
sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com

19
00:00:53,223 --> 00:00:55,223
Harry.

20
00:00:56,643 --> 00:00:58,726
Harry, I'm hungry.

21
00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:03,281
Where are you?

22
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,203
Harry, I'm hungry and depressed.

23
00:01:11,792 --> 00:01:12,992
Ah!

24
00:01:12,993 --> 00:01:14,709
[shouts]

25
00:01:19,466 --> 00:01:21,249
Ha!

26
00:01:22,335 --> 00:01:24,804
[growls]

27
00:01:24,805 --> 00:01:26,337
[snarling]

28
00:01:30,727 --> 00:01:32,427
[shrieks]

29
00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:37,850
Have a nice trip, Major.

30
00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:39,517
[grunts]

31
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,360
What's the matter, Major?

32
00:01:48,361 --> 00:01:49,995
You always enjoy thrashing me.

33
00:01:49,996 --> 00:01:51,831
I don't know, Harry.

34
00:01:51,832 --> 00:01:53,699
I just feel low.

35
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,368
Lost, confused, distracted,

36
00:01:56,369 --> 00:02:00,206
dreary, disturbed... I guess that's it.

37
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,675
Well, you're seeing the network
psychoanalyst this afternoon, sir.

38
00:02:02,676 --> 00:02:04,710
Perhaps he'll cheer you up.

39
00:02:04,711 --> 00:02:07,847
I don't think the goal of analysis is to be
cheered up, Harry.

40
00:02:07,848 --> 00:02:11,550
I think the goal is to stop hating oneself.

41
00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:14,553
What about neutrality, sir?
That's my position.

42
00:02:14,554 --> 00:02:18,274
I don't hate myself,
but I don't like myself.

43
00:02:18,275 --> 00:02:19,892
I hover somewhere in the middle.

44
00:02:19,893 --> 00:02:21,560
Interesting, Harry.

45
00:02:21,561 --> 00:02:24,730
I'd like to mull that over
further with scrambled egg,

46
00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:27,950
bacon, half a grapefruit,
and very black coffee.

47
00:02:27,951 --> 00:02:30,568
Very good, sir. I'll get
your breakfast ready.

48
00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:36,375
Unsporting, Major.

49
00:02:36,376 --> 00:02:38,244
We'd finished playing.

50
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,412
And a glass of champagne.

51
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:42,831
- <i>Sir.</i>
- [sighs]

52
00:02:42,832 --> 00:02:46,969
WEISS: <i>Kierkegaard says
that we're all in despair</i>

53
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:48,888
<i>unless we find God.</i>

54
00:02:48,889 --> 00:02:51,924
<i>But then the French poet Vigny says that</i>

55
00:02:51,925 --> 00:02:55,761
a calm despair is the essence of wisdom.

56
00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:59,348
[laughs] For once I agree with a Frenchman.

57
00:02:59,349 --> 00:03:03,569
No, I accept my core despair.

58
00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:06,272
But what's your stance on self-loathing?

59
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:07,773
Oh, I'm against it.

60
00:03:07,774 --> 00:03:10,993
Why do you ask? Are you self-loathing?

61
00:03:10,994 --> 00:03:12,528
No.

62
00:03:12,529 --> 00:03:14,246
Well, a little.

63
00:03:14,247 --> 00:03:15,447
Why?

64
00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:17,283
I put my career in jeopardy.

65
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,784
I'm a lousy to middling father.

66
00:03:18,785 --> 00:03:21,954
And I've hurt every woman
I've ever been with.

67
00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:24,423
What do you think would lessen your
negative feelings about yourself?

68
00:03:24,424 --> 00:03:26,542
- Well, a woman.
- Walter.

69
00:03:26,543 --> 00:03:29,295
Excuse me, we're in session.

70
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:31,463
Oh, sorry. I've never done therapy.

71
00:03:31,464 --> 00:03:33,682
I mean, I once called a suicide hotline.

72
00:03:33,683 --> 00:03:35,768
- <i>Years ago.</i>
- Excuse me, I mean, we're in session.

73
00:03:35,769 --> 00:03:39,305
Okay. Walter, you have to
be in makeup in 15 minutes.

74
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,557
- [Celia whispers]
- Okay.

75
00:03:41,558 --> 00:03:43,475
Now, that's an attractive woman.

76
00:03:43,476 --> 00:03:45,311
Have you had intercourse with her?

77
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,479
No. She works for me.

78
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,481
So what's holding you back
from meeting a woman?

79
00:03:49,482 --> 00:03:50,983
[sighs] My track record.

80
00:03:50,984 --> 00:03:54,403
I'm afraid to start something new.

81
00:03:54,404 --> 00:03:57,656
All my relationships end in pain.

82
00:03:57,657 --> 00:04:00,492
Did that stop Elizabeth Taylor? No.

83
00:04:00,493 --> 00:04:05,297
So I give you permission to meet someone
new and not worry about the future.

84
00:04:05,298 --> 00:04:08,801
Are you suggesting I should
behave like Elizabeth Taylor?

85
00:04:08,802 --> 00:04:13,254
Yes. A messy life is a good life.

86
00:04:16,509 --> 00:04:19,762
Big Brother or mindful mother?

87
00:04:19,763 --> 00:04:21,897
In a statement issued today,

88
00:04:21,898 --> 00:04:24,650
Alvon says that its tracking chip,

89
00:04:24,651 --> 00:04:26,685
the size of a rice grain,

90
00:04:26,686 --> 00:04:29,355
can be implanted painlessly

91
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,773
beneath your child's skin.

92
00:04:30,774 --> 00:04:34,360
Well, I'm not sure I like the sound

93
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:37,746
of children being chipped
like the family pet.

94
00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:41,367
But I was also skeptical
of the mobile phone

95
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,702
and I once did lose a dog.

96
00:04:43,703 --> 00:04:47,256
Well, that's our report for this evening.

97
00:04:47,257 --> 00:04:51,377
I am Walter Blunt, right here, right now.

98
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,879
Jim: <i>And we're clear. Okay, that's a wrap.</i>

99
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,715
You know, soon we'll all be chipped.

100
00:04:56,716 --> 00:04:59,385
It could be a good thing.
If my wives had chipped me,

101
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,886
maybe I'd still be married.

102
00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:02,855
Oh, did you get lost a lot?

103
00:05:02,856 --> 00:05:05,607
- Yes, with other women.
- [laughs]

104
00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:07,976
I must stop thinking like this.

105
00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:10,646
I am allowed to have a messy life.

106
00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:13,482
I mean, not as messy as last week, but...

107
00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:15,401
- Great show, Walter.
- Thank you.

108
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,236
Excellent segment on the Knesset.

109
00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,405
Jewish politicians are really funny.

110
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,240
Is that a joke?

111
00:05:21,241 --> 00:05:23,375
But, Walter, I'm so sorry
about interrupting

112
00:05:23,376 --> 00:05:25,294
your analysis before. Is it going okay?

113
00:05:25,295 --> 00:05:27,496
Well, the approach is unusual,

114
00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:29,381
but it may be helpful.

115
00:05:29,382 --> 00:05:32,384
Oh, you know, my dad's a therapist.
A Gestaltian.

116
00:05:32,385 --> 00:05:33,419
Yeah, we know that.

117
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,587
- Hi. Great show, Walter.
- Thank you.

118
00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:37,423
Maybe next week we can run my piece

119
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,758
on the HPV vaccine. I have a fun angle.

120
00:05:39,759 --> 00:05:42,928
Shelly, the genital warts story is gross.

121
00:05:42,929 --> 00:05:45,314
I'm sorry, genital warts?

122
00:05:45,315 --> 00:05:48,816
Uh-huh. It's relatable.

123
00:05:50,987 --> 00:05:53,522
You're a lucky son of a bitch, Walter.

124
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:56,442
- Why?
- <i>BOB: I want to tell him!</i>

125
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,993
<i>[toilet water whooshing]</i>

126
00:05:57,994 --> 00:05:59,445
You were in my bathroom.

127
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,662
I paid for it.

128
00:06:00,663 --> 00:06:02,781
<i>The policeman you kicked,</i>

129
00:06:02,782 --> 00:06:04,783
he didn't need testicle surgery.

130
00:06:04,784 --> 00:06:07,286
- So it's only a misdemeanor.
- [sighs]

131
00:06:07,287 --> 00:06:09,955
The lawyers found a loophole
in California state law.

132
00:06:09,956 --> 00:06:12,958
No stitches, no felony.
No felony, no problem.

133
00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:17,262
I can't believe my fate was held in balance

134
00:06:17,263 --> 00:06:19,348
by the well-being of a testicle.

135
00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:20,632
What about Gisele?

136
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,351
Her charges were dropped.

137
00:06:22,352 --> 00:06:23,635
Yes!

138
00:06:23,636 --> 00:06:25,521
She sent you a thank-you note

139
00:06:25,522 --> 00:06:26,855
for getting her a lawyer.

140
00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:29,140
- Oh.
- [sniffs]

141
00:06:30,643 --> 00:06:32,644
In our debased world,

142
00:06:32,645 --> 00:06:34,446
I appreciate this very much.

143
00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:37,983
It was the one quality of the first
George Bush I always admired.

144
00:06:37,984 --> 00:06:40,869
He was an avid writer of thank-you notes.

145
00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:42,654
Well, you're still a little screwed, buddy.

146
00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:44,656
Your license is suspended and you
have to go to AA once a week.

147
00:06:44,657 --> 00:06:47,576
I have to go to AA?

148
00:06:47,577 --> 00:06:50,496
For your AA meeting, I was thinking

149
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,881
we could either go with your Bono look

150
00:06:52,882 --> 00:06:54,967
or your Peter Jennings.

151
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:57,386
For AA, definitely we should go Bono.

152
00:06:57,387 --> 00:06:59,471
Very good, sir.

153
00:06:59,472 --> 00:07:01,723
Oh, I meant to inquire,

154
00:07:01,724 --> 00:07:03,675
did you ask the psychoanalyst

155
00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:05,060
for more of that wonderful cocaine?

156
00:07:05,061 --> 00:07:10,349
I did and he said that last week
was simply an emergency measure

157
00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:11,984
and not a part of my treatment.

158
00:07:11,985 --> 00:07:13,852
Oh, that is a shame.

159
00:07:13,853 --> 00:07:17,188
But I imagine we'll cultivate
an emergency soon enough.

160
00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:21,743
WALTER: All right, last chance.

161
00:07:21,744 --> 00:07:23,445
Who wants to come with me to AA?

162
00:07:23,446 --> 00:07:25,998
Rosalie: Ha! I understand.

163
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:27,866
It's Friday, you've all got plans.

164
00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:30,419
Oh, there she is.

165
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:32,287
I'll give you a ride.

166
00:07:32,288 --> 00:07:33,839
Be nicer than the bus.

167
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,290
Thank you, Rosalie.

168
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:37,259
I've missed you, girl.

169
00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:38,877
Hey. Walter, is this your new car?

170
00:07:38,878 --> 00:07:39,795
We got it this morning.

171
00:07:39,796 --> 00:07:42,764
I told Harry to get a Volt or a Prius.

172
00:07:42,765 --> 00:07:45,350
I mean, I have to be a role model.

173
00:07:45,351 --> 00:07:47,886
Instead, he gets this stupid muscle car.

174
00:07:47,887 --> 00:07:50,272
You said to follow my bliss.

175
00:07:50,273 --> 00:07:53,275
I said a Volt or a Prius.
You willfully misheard me.

176
00:07:53,276 --> 00:07:55,877
Well, I think it's a super
cool car, Walter. I really do.

177
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:59,981
I'm glad you agree. I've always
admired your Maverick, Jim.

178
00:08:09,242 --> 00:08:11,193
This back seat is hell, Harry.

179
00:08:11,194 --> 00:08:13,612
- What were you thinking?
- <i>[car engine starts]</i>

180
00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:15,948
You could, you know,
sit in the front seat, sir.

181
00:08:15,949 --> 00:08:19,418
No, I think it's best
that our roles are defined.

182
00:08:19,419 --> 00:08:23,455
Discipline in our regiment
of two has been slack of late.

183
00:08:23,456 --> 00:08:25,957
Very good, sir.

184
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,057
[bell dings]

185
00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:47,646
Thanks for the ride, Rosalie.

186
00:08:47,647 --> 00:08:49,280
You're welcome.

187
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,902
Do you want to, you know,

188
00:08:53,903 --> 00:08:55,987
like last time?

189
00:09:03,213 --> 00:09:05,046
[sniffing]

190
00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:14,340
You smell nice.

191
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:15,924
Like vanilla.

192
00:09:15,925 --> 00:09:18,260
Angel.

193
00:09:18,261 --> 00:09:19,511
The perfume.

194
00:09:19,512 --> 00:09:21,647
Can I smell it again?

195
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,065
[sniffing]

196
00:09:23,066 --> 00:09:26,018
[indistinct chatter]

197
00:09:26,019 --> 00:09:27,436
My God, Harry.

198
00:09:27,437 --> 00:09:29,905
I never knew there were so
many recovering alcoholics.

199
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,191
- The bars must be empty.
- Yes, Major.

200
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:35,527
You know, it's smart of
churches to hold AA meetings.

201
00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:37,496
Since the old methods failed,

202
00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:40,616
this is an excellent way
of getting the sinners in.

203
00:09:40,617 --> 00:09:42,084
Yes, sir.

204
00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:44,286
<i></i>

205
00:09:44,287 --> 00:09:46,954
- <i>[muzak playing]
- [indistinct chatter]</i>

206
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,118
Excuse me, sir. We're new here.

207
00:10:16,119 --> 00:10:19,955
And there seem to be many sorts
of meetings to choose from.

208
00:10:19,956 --> 00:10:21,907
We got every kind of meeting.

209
00:10:21,908 --> 00:10:24,043
Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous,

210
00:10:24,044 --> 00:10:25,961
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

211
00:10:25,962 --> 00:10:27,579
Boy, you name it, we got it.

212
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,465
- What are you here for?
- AA.

213
00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:33,085
Now, do you also know who could
sign my drunk driving sheet?

214
00:10:33,086 --> 00:10:34,303
Anybody can. I'll do it.

215
00:10:34,304 --> 00:10:36,220
Really? Thank you.

216
00:10:39,926 --> 00:10:42,061
Here you go.

217
00:10:42,062 --> 00:10:45,013
Are you Walter Blunt? I mean, Walter B?

218
00:10:45,014 --> 00:10:46,265
Most of the time.

219
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,599
- I'm Derek.
- Oh.

220
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:48,934
Ah, hi, I'm glad you're here.

221
00:10:48,935 --> 00:10:50,569
I saw your collapse on YouTube.

222
00:10:50,570 --> 00:10:52,688
It's an honor to meet you.

223
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:54,440
Hey. I'll see you in the meeting.

224
00:10:54,441 --> 00:10:57,276
I'm also in AA.

225
00:10:57,277 --> 00:10:59,360
Hey, nice sort of chap.

226
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:04,700
You know, Harry, I know nothing
about the 12-step movement.

227
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:06,285
- Do you?
- Not really, sir.

228
00:11:06,286 --> 00:11:08,537
I imagine the 12 steps must be similar

229
00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:10,038
to the 10 Commandments.

230
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:12,540
- Makes sense.
- Excuse me.

231
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:16,011
A lot of women here, Harry.

232
00:11:16,012 --> 00:11:17,429
Maybe I'll meet someone.

233
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:20,265
You know, alcoholics
are often good company.

234
00:11:20,266 --> 00:11:22,684
When they're drinking, sir.
Not when they're sober.

235
00:11:22,685 --> 00:11:25,137
Oh, no, you're right.

236
00:11:25,138 --> 00:11:29,057
Hey, maybe the Sex and Love Addicts meeting

237
00:11:29,058 --> 00:11:30,309
would be more up my alley.

238
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:31,693
I would agree, sir.

239
00:11:31,694 --> 00:11:34,313
I think I'll go to the gambling meeting.

240
00:11:34,314 --> 00:11:36,482
That's a good idea. You love to gamble.

241
00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:38,033
<i>[bell rings]</i>

242
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,568
Oh, looks like we're starting.

243
00:11:39,569 --> 00:11:40,986
- Thank you, Harry.
- [clears throat]

244
00:11:40,987 --> 00:11:42,988
Oh, do you need any cash

245
00:11:42,989 --> 00:11:46,959
in case they lose control and
a poker game breaks out?

246
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,544
That's very generous, sir.

247
00:11:48,545 --> 00:11:50,328
There you are.

248
00:11:53,666 --> 00:11:56,668
<i></i>

249
00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:58,971
<i> Get on it, get on it,</i>

250
00:11:58,972 --> 00:12:01,006
<i> Get on it, Mr. Jive </i>

251
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:03,175
<i> Who you gonna con and play on today </i>

252
00:12:03,176 --> 00:12:05,344
<i> Lay down a rap and call it a day </i>

253
00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:08,013
<i> Ya leanin' and low ridin'
and talkin' that talk </i>

254
00:12:08,014 --> 00:12:10,649
<i> Pippin' off and takin' off,
you sure ain't cool </i>

255
00:12:10,650 --> 00:12:12,651
<i> Get on it, get on it </i>

256
00:12:12,652 --> 00:12:14,653
<i> Get on it, Mr. Jive </i>

257
00:12:14,654 --> 00:12:16,021
<i> Get on it </i>

258
00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:19,074
What I do when I hit a cold streak

259
00:12:19,075 --> 00:12:21,326
is I borrow from friends,

260
00:12:21,327 --> 00:12:23,529
or anyone, really,

261
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:24,913
until I hit a hot streak.

262
00:12:24,914 --> 00:12:27,115
<i>Then I pay everybody back.</i>

263
00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:30,002
This way, I never get too far ahead

264
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:31,920
or too far behind.

265
00:12:31,921 --> 00:12:34,957
A kind of beautiful stasis.

266
00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:38,177
You see, I live in the now,

267
00:12:38,178 --> 00:12:40,929
which is what all the gurus preach.

268
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:43,215
[applause]

269
00:12:43,216 --> 00:12:44,600
[audience murmuring]

270
00:12:44,601 --> 00:12:46,384
Oh. [Chuckles]

271
00:12:48,888 --> 00:12:50,021
[clears throat]

272
00:12:50,974 --> 00:12:53,475
So, Walter still behaving himself?

273
00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:55,561
Well, he's functioning.

274
00:12:55,562 --> 00:12:56,945
And now he's going to AA.

275
00:12:56,946 --> 00:12:58,530
AA? That's terrible.

276
00:12:58,531 --> 00:13:01,366
Maybe it could help him. It helped Charlie.

277
00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:02,951
Charlie? He committed suicide.

278
00:13:02,952 --> 00:13:05,237
- But he was sober.
- Well, that's true.

279
00:13:05,238 --> 00:13:07,656
Charge! That's my new toast.

280
00:13:07,657 --> 00:13:08,540
[chuckles]

281
00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:11,710
[song in French playing over stereo]

282
00:13:11,711 --> 00:13:14,161
Mmm.

283
00:13:15,248 --> 00:13:18,083
Teddy, there's no vermouth in this.

284
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:20,002
Oh, shit, you're right.

285
00:13:20,003 --> 00:13:21,553
- I'll make new ones.
- Forget it.

286
00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:24,305
We're playing gin,
we'll have gin cocktails.

287
00:13:27,093 --> 00:13:30,929
So, did you give that young
man a ride home again?

288
00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:33,265
- It's Friday.
- I did.

289
00:13:33,266 --> 00:13:35,434
I told him we have an open marriage.

290
00:13:35,435 --> 00:13:38,020
- Mm-hmm.
- The whole thing was wonderful.

291
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:40,155
My heart was racing.

292
00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:42,524
It's good for you.
Good for your circulation.

293
00:13:42,525 --> 00:13:45,444
I met a woman, you know, at
the salad bar at Whole Foods.

294
00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:48,330
Twice divorced. Very beautiful.
Persian. Lonely.

295
00:13:48,331 --> 00:13:51,366
But she name-dropped the Shah and
I gave her a hard time about it

296
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,951
'cause I didn't really believe her.

297
00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:56,038
You told me about her two nights ago.

298
00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:57,956
- I did?
- [chuckles]

299
00:13:57,957 --> 00:14:01,093
I meet so many divorc?es
that I can hardly keep track.

300
00:14:01,094 --> 00:14:02,961
That salad bar is like a singles bar.

301
00:14:02,962 --> 00:14:06,682
Anyway, she emailed me a picture
of her and the Shah from '78,

302
00:14:06,683 --> 00:14:08,933
so I had to apologize.

303
00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:13,639
I've been sticking to my
bottom lines for three weeks.

304
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,973
No acting out.

305
00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:18,025
[applause]

306
00:14:19,062 --> 00:14:21,029
Thank you. As most of you know,

307
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,982
my thing is to wear baggy
shorts, you know, no underwear.

308
00:14:23,983 --> 00:14:26,151
Then I ride the M52 bus.

309
00:14:26,152 --> 00:14:29,154
And then I cross my legs
like, you know, like this.

310
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:32,291
You know, and I just hope somebody sees

311
00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:34,993
what I have hidden up here.
My noodle and my wantons.

312
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:38,547
I mean, it's a sickness, but I've
been better the last three weeks.

313
00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:40,582
I mean, I still ride the bus
when I don't have to,

314
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,001
but I wear my underwear every time.

315
00:14:43,002 --> 00:14:45,253
So thanks for letting me share.

316
00:14:45,254 --> 00:14:47,388
- [applause]
- ALL: Thanks for sharing.

317
00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:51,176
And thanks for wearing
your underwear this week.

318
00:14:51,177 --> 00:14:52,510
[laughs] Thank you.

319
00:14:55,515 --> 00:14:58,233
Hello, I'm Walter. I am not a sex addict.

320
00:14:58,234 --> 00:15:01,019
But I have enjoyed listening to you all.

321
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,939
To be honest, though, I find this label

322
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:06,441
sexual addiction to be shaming.

323
00:15:06,442 --> 00:15:09,695
When it comes to desire, I mean, desire,

324
00:15:09,696 --> 00:15:11,663
what you call acting out,

325
00:15:11,664 --> 00:15:14,533
it would be wise to remind ourselves

326
00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:17,202
of how Elizabeth Taylor lived.

327
00:15:17,203 --> 00:15:19,421
<i>And what Oscar Wilde said.</i>

328
00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:22,924
"The only way to get rid of temptation

329
00:15:22,925 --> 00:15:25,043
is to yield to it."

330
00:15:25,044 --> 00:15:27,294
[laughs, clears throat]

331
00:15:29,716 --> 00:15:31,550
Thanks for sharing.

332
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:34,385
[applause] ALL: Thanks for sharing.

333
00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,357
<i></i>

334
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:44,196
Can I help you?

335
00:15:44,197 --> 00:15:47,649
Yes, I do need help.

336
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:51,869
Um, do you have that one in a size six?

337
00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:54,406
- This?
- Yes.

338
00:15:54,407 --> 00:15:57,542
- For your wife?
- No, girlfriend.

339
00:15:57,543 --> 00:15:59,711
I'm not ready for marriage.

340
00:15:59,712 --> 00:16:02,247
Okay, I will see if we have those in a six.

341
00:16:02,248 --> 00:16:03,914
Okay.

342
00:16:06,169 --> 00:16:08,253
[indistinct chatter]

343
00:16:08,254 --> 00:16:11,923
You know, you're the first
professional magician I've ever met.

344
00:16:11,924 --> 00:16:13,258
Well, that's a lot of pressure.

345
00:16:13,259 --> 00:16:14,926
And I saw women in half for a living.

346
00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:17,979
[laughs] My dad used to
love doing magic tricks.

347
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:20,015
Used to? Why did he stop, the old bastard?

348
00:16:20,016 --> 00:16:24,019
Um, he died when I was
12 in a car accident.

349
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:26,071
Oh, I'm sorry.

350
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,689
No need to worry. It was a long time ago.

351
00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:31,193
No, I'm sorry for being
such a downer on a date.

352
00:16:31,194 --> 00:16:33,111
It's okay, I asked.

353
00:16:33,112 --> 00:16:35,280
I do miss him still.

354
00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:38,533
He used to teach the piano.

355
00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:39,701
I think that's why he liked magic.

356
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:41,453
He had such agile fingers.

357
00:16:41,454 --> 00:16:44,122
He had beautiful hands. I
used to love looking at them.

358
00:16:44,123 --> 00:16:47,259
What, you also have very pretty hands.

359
00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:50,262
[chuckles] Could you do a trick right here?

360
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:52,547
A trick? I totally didn't come prepared.

361
00:16:52,548 --> 00:16:55,016
Do you mind if I smoke?
Disgusting habit, I know,

362
00:16:55,017 --> 00:16:56,968
- but then so's this. [Snorts]
- Ah.

363
00:16:56,969 --> 00:16:58,603
Whoa. So's that. Whoa.

364
00:16:58,604 --> 00:17:00,605
That's how we smoke cigarettes in LA.

365
00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:03,475
No, I'm kidding. Hand me the
salt shaker, would you?

366
00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:05,977
All right, keep your eyes on this.

367
00:17:05,978 --> 00:17:07,229
Here we go. Here's the salt.

368
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:09,698
Or as I call it, the other white powder.

369
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:11,950
Keep your eyes on it. Keep your eyes on it.

370
00:17:11,951 --> 00:17:13,568
It's a lot of salt going in the hand.

371
00:17:13,569 --> 00:17:16,154
I wave my hand and say the magic words,

372
00:17:16,155 --> 00:17:19,324
Bangers and Match, boop, it's gone.

373
00:17:19,325 --> 00:17:20,659
- Wow!
- Yeah.

374
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:23,495
I'll bring it back for you,
it's... a grain at a time.

375
00:17:23,496 --> 00:17:26,164
There's a grain.
That's gonna take too long.

376
00:17:26,165 --> 00:17:28,500
Here's a grain. Hold your hand out for me.

377
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:30,969
[snaps fingers]

378
00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:32,504
[hums fanfare]

379
00:17:32,505 --> 00:17:33,921
Are you married?

380
00:17:36,175 --> 00:17:37,892
Um...

381
00:17:39,428 --> 00:17:41,929
[snaps fingers]

382
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:46,518
Hey, I really appreciate this.

383
00:17:46,519 --> 00:17:48,653
And I think you're gonna
be an awesome sponsor.

384
00:17:48,654 --> 00:17:50,021
- I'll call you.
- You're welcome.

385
00:17:50,022 --> 00:17:51,990
- Thank you.
- Hi.

386
00:17:51,991 --> 00:17:54,993
Hi. I want to thank you for
what you shared in there.

387
00:17:54,994 --> 00:17:57,028
I've been coming to these
meetings for months

388
00:17:57,029 --> 00:17:59,664
and you are the first person
who's made any sense.

389
00:17:59,665 --> 00:18:03,034
Well, I'm glad if what I had to say helped.

390
00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:05,036
It was very helpful. Usually these meetings

391
00:18:05,037 --> 00:18:07,172
make me feel worse about
myself, not better.

392
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:10,542
That's not good.
I struggle with that myself.

393
00:18:10,543 --> 00:18:13,044
Attacking myself mentally.

394
00:18:13,045 --> 00:18:15,180
I'm sorry that things haven't
gone well for you here.

395
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:18,517
It's all right. There's a
reason I've been coming to SLAA

396
00:18:18,518 --> 00:18:20,968
and it was to hear
what you had to say tonight.

397
00:18:22,305 --> 00:18:26,358
And to meet you.

398
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:28,944
[indistinct chatter]

399
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:31,396
Several women rabbis have been arrested

400
00:18:31,397 --> 00:18:33,565
and a protest at the Wailing Wall

401
00:18:33,566 --> 00:18:36,067
has spurred debate in the Knesset.

402
00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:38,069
The issue of women rabbis

403
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:41,039
<i>has been an ongoing controversy
for several years now.</i>

404
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,707
<i>A coalition of American...</i>

405
00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:46,127
Ah, I love a woman with a clean bathroom.

406
00:18:46,128 --> 00:18:49,914
[laughs] Almost fell off.

407
00:18:54,971 --> 00:18:57,254
- What is that?
- What?

408
00:18:58,341 --> 00:19:01,141
- [gasps] Wow.
- Wow.

409
00:19:02,261 --> 00:19:03,844
Mm.

410
00:19:30,923 --> 00:19:32,958
Fucking hate this car, Harry.

411
00:19:32,959 --> 00:19:35,126
[sighs]

412
00:19:35,127 --> 00:19:37,012
Oh, how charming.

413
00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:39,631
Oh, thanks. I do love living here.

414
00:19:39,632 --> 00:19:42,133
And my place is right over there.

415
00:19:42,134 --> 00:19:43,635
- Oh, lovely.
- Yes.

416
00:19:43,636 --> 00:19:45,937
Um, just one moment, darling.

417
00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:48,440
I need to have a word with my man.

418
00:19:48,441 --> 00:19:50,358
Sure.

419
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,979
Major, I advise against this.
This woman is a sex addict.

420
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,982
Shh, don't be ridiculous, Harry.
There's no such thing.

421
00:19:56,983 --> 00:20:00,318
Also, my analyst encouraged
me to meet someone.

422
00:20:00,319 --> 00:20:01,987
This is part of my treatment.

423
00:20:01,988 --> 00:20:04,155
I liked it better when he gave you cocaine.

424
00:20:04,156 --> 00:20:05,657
Stop pouting, Harry.

425
00:20:05,658 --> 00:20:08,940
Look, I'll only be gone an hour or so.

426
00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:12,447
And we'll kiss a little
and I'll call it a night.

427
00:20:12,448 --> 00:20:15,150
Like a gentleman.

428
00:20:15,151 --> 00:20:17,485
So, wait here.

429
00:20:17,486 --> 00:20:18,986
Yes, sir.

430
00:20:20,873 --> 00:20:22,574
- Oh, are you cold?
- Just a little.

431
00:20:22,575 --> 00:20:25,243
Oh, my. I'm so sorry.

432
00:20:25,244 --> 00:20:27,912
And surely the house...
The whole house is yours.

433
00:20:29,215 --> 00:20:31,749
<i>[indistinct chatter]</i>

434
00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:40,392
Mom: <i>I think you look tired.</i>

435
00:20:40,393 --> 00:20:42,344
<i>Have you had a steak lately?</i>

436
00:20:42,345 --> 00:20:44,095
Mom, you know I don't eat meat.

437
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:46,932
I wish you would. You grew up on meat.

438
00:20:46,933 --> 00:20:48,934
You look pale.

439
00:20:48,935 --> 00:20:51,937
Would Walter want to do
phone sessions with me?

440
00:20:51,938 --> 00:20:54,189
I'm worried about him after his collapse.

441
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:56,575
No, Dad, he's got a therapist here in LA.

442
00:20:56,576 --> 00:20:59,244
Fine.

443
00:20:59,245 --> 00:21:00,912
He'll be okay.

444
00:21:00,913 --> 00:21:03,198
Hey, Mom, when we FaceTime,

445
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:06,117
do you look at the little picture
of yourself or do you look at me?

446
00:21:06,118 --> 00:21:08,787
I think I look at the
little picture of myself

447
00:21:08,788 --> 00:21:10,505
- more than I look at you.
- It's true.

448
00:21:10,506 --> 00:21:13,341
Yeah, me, too. I do that, too.

449
00:21:13,342 --> 00:21:16,795
Well, I better get going, Mom.
It's Friday night.

450
00:21:16,796 --> 00:21:18,296
[clears throat] I love you.

451
00:21:18,297 --> 00:21:20,265
I love you more than that.

452
00:21:20,266 --> 00:21:22,132
Okay, bye.

453
00:21:46,409 --> 00:21:49,410
Should we slow down a little?

454
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,547
No, let's go faster.

455
00:21:52,548 --> 00:21:54,215
[laughs]

456
00:21:54,216 --> 00:21:55,383
Ah!

457
00:21:55,384 --> 00:21:56,885
Oh, I forgot to tell you.

458
00:21:56,886 --> 00:21:58,970
I met the most interesting Persian woman.

459
00:21:58,971 --> 00:22:00,472
A Sophia Loren look-alike.

460
00:22:00,473 --> 00:22:02,057
Huge, gorgeous brown eyes.

461
00:22:02,058 --> 00:22:03,892
And she told me that the Shah put his hand

462
00:22:03,893 --> 00:22:06,511
on her leg at a dinner party in 1978.

463
00:22:06,512 --> 00:22:08,345
- Teddy.
- Yes, dear?

464
00:22:11,434 --> 00:22:13,101
[sighs]

465
00:22:13,102 --> 00:22:14,903
I love you.

466
00:22:14,904 --> 00:22:16,737
I love you.

467
00:22:21,077 --> 00:22:23,244
Sophie, what the hell are you doing?

468
00:22:23,245 --> 00:22:24,529
[groans]

469
00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:26,865
Holy shit. Walter fucking Blunt?

470
00:22:26,866 --> 00:22:28,867
- Who is this man?
- It's my husband Steve.

471
00:22:28,868 --> 00:22:30,285
<i>WALTER: You said you were divorced.</i>

472
00:22:30,286 --> 00:22:32,003
[whispering] I am, but
we still sleep together.

473
00:22:32,004 --> 00:22:34,873
He's in Codependents Anonymous.

474
00:22:34,874 --> 00:22:36,958
Oh, shit! Excuse me, Sophie. [Moans]

475
00:22:36,959 --> 00:22:38,543
I can't believe you're
screwing Walter Blunt.

476
00:22:38,544 --> 00:22:40,879
Point of fact, we did not
engage in intercourse.

477
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,847
Oh, you shut up. I don't like you.

478
00:22:42,848 --> 00:22:45,467
I don't like your show. And I
don't like you banging my wife.

479
00:22:45,468 --> 00:22:47,102
You keep my show out of this!

480
00:22:47,103 --> 00:22:50,805
Oh, fuck you. Right here, right now.

481
00:22:50,806 --> 00:22:52,222
No, no. Oh!

482
00:22:53,392 --> 00:22:56,310
Goddamn memory foam.

483
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:03,234
Blunt! I'm gonna kill you!

484
00:23:03,235 --> 00:23:05,035
Shit!

485
00:23:07,406 --> 00:23:09,073
Oh, no.

486
00:23:11,577 --> 00:23:14,045
Harry! Harry!

487
00:23:14,046 --> 00:23:16,046
Row! Row!

488
00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:18,916
Motherfucker!

489
00:23:22,338 --> 00:23:24,922
Where you going? Coward!

490
00:23:26,926 --> 00:23:28,810
Row, Harry, row!

491
00:23:28,811 --> 00:23:31,845
<i>STEVE: English bastard!</i>

492
00:23:32,982 --> 00:23:34,899
Fuck.

493
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:37,268
Good man, Harry.

494
00:23:37,269 --> 00:23:39,938
Well, that could have gone better.

495
00:23:39,939 --> 00:23:43,241
But my analyst can't say I
didn't try to meet someone.

496
00:23:43,242 --> 00:23:46,077
Told you she was a sex fiend, sir.

497
00:23:46,078 --> 00:23:48,413
Don't be judgmental, Harry.

498
00:23:48,414 --> 00:23:50,031
What did Oscar Wilde say?

499
00:23:50,032 --> 00:23:52,167
"We're all in the gutter...

500
00:23:52,168 --> 00:23:55,286
But some of us are looking at the stars."

501
00:23:55,287 --> 00:23:56,788
Mmm.

502
00:23:56,789 --> 00:23:58,756
You know, we're quite lucky.

503
00:24:00,292 --> 00:24:03,127
This is a beautiful night for a boat ride.

504
00:24:05,014 --> 00:24:08,099
Pass the commanding officer, Harry.

505
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:10,969
And I'd like to hear a sea shanty.

506
00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:12,887
Very good, sir.

507
00:24:12,888 --> 00:24:14,022
[inhales]

508
00:24:14,023 --> 00:24:17,025
 I went to sea as a country lad

509
00:24:17,026 --> 00:24:19,194
To make a dream come true 

510
00:24:19,195 --> 00:24:22,897
<i> A full-blown wind took us hard astern </i>

511
00:24:22,898 --> 00:24:25,483
<i> That blew from Timbuktu </i>

512
00:24:25,484 --> 00:24:28,820
<i> We went down like an anchor chain </i>

513
00:24:28,821 --> 00:24:31,322
<i> I thought that we would drown </i>

514
00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:34,576
<i> Swam belly up and cried like hell </i>

515
00:24:34,577 --> 00:24:37,212
<i> You can't keep a good man down </i>

516
00:24:37,246 --> 00:24:41,082
<i> We rode like billy-o,
made the Scilly Isles </i>

517
00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:44,135
 Ended up in the Rose and Crown 

518
00:24:44,136 --> 00:24:47,138
 Drank the night away,
seems like yesterday 

519
00:24:47,139 --> 00:24:49,390
 When she went down 

520
00:24:49,391 --> 00:24:53,061
 And it's hey-ho,
can't blow the man down 

521
00:24:53,062 --> 00:24:56,014
 Hey-ho, can't blow the man down 

522
00:24:56,015 --> 00:24:58,983
 Hey-ho, can't blow the man 

523
00:24:58,984 --> 00:25:01,569
 Blow the man down, boys 

524
00:25:01,570 --> 00:25:04,255
 Blow this man down 

525
00:25:04,256 --> 00:25:05,924
<i></i>

526
00:25:05,925 --> 00:25:09,260
<i> Way-ho, can't blow the man down </i>

527
00:25:09,261 --> 00:25:13,097
<i> Way-ho, can't blow the man down </i>

528
00:25:13,098 --> 00:25:15,934
<i> Hey-ho, can't hold the man </i>

529
00:25:15,935 --> 00:25:19,604
<i> Hold the man down, boys </i>

530
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,305
<i> Hold this man down </i>

531
00:25:23,542 --> 00:25:27,212
<i> 'Twas devil's torment, tack and rum </i>

532
00:25:27,213 --> 00:25:30,515
<i> That kept the fear at bay </i>

533
00:25:30,516 --> 00:25:34,819
<i> But a Navy sail on the starboard bow </i>

534
00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:38,323
<i> Was getting in our way </i>

535
00:25:38,324 --> 00:25:41,826
<i> A broadside rain like a fire from hell </i>

536
00:25:41,827 --> 00:25:45,296
<i> We made the beggars pay </i>

537
00:25:45,297 --> 00:25:49,033
<i> But we did not see the giant wave </i>

538
00:25:49,034 --> 00:25:52,537
<i> That took our keel away </i>

539
00:25:52,538 --> 00:25:56,875
<i> So wreckage drift away, soggy castaway </i>

540
00:25:56,876 --> 00:25:59,477
<i> Runnin' a-ground </i>

541
00:25:59,478 --> 00:26:03,214
<i> No, we're way-ho, can't hold the man </i>

542
00:26:03,215 --> 00:26:06,818
<i> Hold the man down, boys </i>

543
00:26:06,819 --> 00:26:09,086
<i> Hold this man down </i>

544
00:26:14,159 --> 00:26:16,493
<i> Hold this man down </i>

545
00:26:21,267 --> 00:26:24,101
<i> Hold this man down </i>

546
00:26:24,151 --> 00:26:28,701
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